I have had a bad couple of days, the black dog followed me around as I tried to stand and get out of a stupor. But today I am doing normal things. Lorelei is going for a groom and I am going to Tralee to do some shopping for the boys.
Normal things in a most un-normal time.
A dragonfly can fly backwards, forwards, hover and do amazing aerial routines but I can’t. I am stuck. Yesterday I didn’t eat because it was too hard to move from where I was to where the food was. It was just too hard. But today I am doing normal things. I showered for the first time in over a week and changed my clothes.
Normal things in a most un-normal time.
Golden tortoise beetles can change colour. In fact, they can change colour depending on the season or even their mood using the liquid beneath their transparent shell. Underneath the shell are three layers of cuticle, each covered in tiny nooks and crannies that appear smooth when covered with liquid, and reflect light perfectly like a mirror. But when a golden tortoise beetle is agitated or under attack from a predator, it contracts the spaces between the layers of cuticle and forces liquid out of the grooves — doing away with the iridescence and usually revealing a brownish-orange colour. The day before yesterday I did nothing. But then my idea of doing nothing is not the same as others. I painted – a series that is exploring the black dog that hangs around sometimes. I read my daily devotion, I did the Daily Office and Lectio365. I made a LEGO helicopter and then dismantled immediately because it made me too sad. When I last showered (and to be honest it could be more like 2 weeks) I didn’t bother to brush my hair and it frizzed up like a tower of afro. But today I am doing normal things. I brushed my hair.
Normal things in a most un-normal time.
An assignment is due tomorrow and I did it weeks ago, it took me hours because it was a bit finicky. I had it checked and needed to add four words to make it complete. Yesterday I observed my fellow student in a flurry of activity as they began and completed their assignments and I could not be bothered to join in the conversation for the third time in as many days. I have gone into lockdown. It happens, not as often as it did but it still appears every now and then. If I was in gainful employment I would probably go sick for a week as I would get my mind back on target and kick the black dog to touch. These few days I can’t because my family give me all the grace in the world and even if we have a plan allow me to unmake it and check in with me to make sure I am ok. My long suffering and nasally challenged husband does not give out when I look like a bag lady and smell like a dead person. But today I am writing, moving, driving, shopping, loving my dog and feeding my man.
Normal things in a most un-normal time.
Father, o merciful father in heaven, Jesus and Holy Spirit, I pray to you for an intervention, I pray that in Covid-19 times help me kick the black dog to touch for the final time. Let this time of inertia be the time when you extravagantly pour out healing on my whole person – my mind, body, heart and soul. Lord I want to be physically strong again, will you help me? Will you help me gain full breath once more? Will you help me do normal things each day in this most un-normal time. Will you help me unfocus from the future and concentrate on the moment by moment breath? Today in this most impossible of times will you wrap me in your blanket of love and help me leave my blanket of mis-security on the sofa?
Amen.
Rebuilding Community 