days of study


I never seem to get to the end of my study in a day set aside for that purpose. I do not particularly like deadlines and yet I find myself tarrying so the deadline creeps ever closer. At eight this evening I must deliver a bible study that is not finished at this moment, nor is it likely to be finished anytime soon.

I cannot blame it on distractions, I set aside time to reply to emails this morning and in the middle of writing one, wrote a poem. Actually in the body of the email, there is a poem. So my tally is two poems and one short story in two days.

Just imagine the output, if I did that every day. In one year that would be three hundred and sixty five poems and one hundred and eighty two short stories. Happy days as The Bear would say.

Truth is, I know why I can’t finish anything that needs to be done today. I have known all month, the root of this inability. Oozing up from me is elements of this root, that is shrouded in what counsellors call confidentiality. The rest of us call, by chance, confidentiality.

A friend of mine years back started a conversation “between you and me” what followed was the utter dissection of another friend. So intense was the post-mortem and so silent was my rebuke that forevermore those images of a dear friend being cut up for the enjoyment of, let’s face it, a good gossip.

It isn’t the last time I have heard gossip, but that was the first time I never repeated even a gram of what was said to me. It altered things for. It altered my relationship with the gossiper and the gossipee.

What motivates people to share bad news like that? I do not know.

As Christians, the Bible is extremely clear on gossip. Look it up, remember for yourself, you don’t need me to spoon feed you.

Recently I had to impart some information to a hierarchical figure and as they grew more and more impatient as I sifted through the whole story to filter the bits pertinent to their needing to know, I felt more and more uncomfortable, I wasn’t betraying a trust because the person I think had shared in the hope something would happen, but it now no longer comes naturally to me. If ever in that position again I think, even if scared by said bigwig, I won’t say anything or will ring the other party first.

I will do things differently.

None of this is helping me write the bible study on Jacob and Esau, but it is helping me sort through the detritus to clear the root, so like a dandelion it can be removed. I am sure the other participants have already shared this week. But I am not a sheep of men and women, I am a sheep following Jesus …