looking back

A number of years ago I was involved in a small project. At that time I was writing prolifically and it seemed to be a distracting fit for my life. There was something else going on in the background and so I wrote to God:

Thank you so much for being in my life.
For all the changes you have wrought in me.
For my deocentric weltanschuung, I thank you

Lord I thank you that through healing, Holy Spirit led cognitive stuff - I am strong.
I am strong for you, but if you ask me to bend I will,.
You have given me a different perspective,
a different way of living  of loving  of breathing   
You gave me my breath and everything after.
You have known me forever, so I am in catch-up mode.
I want to thank you Lord for allowing the gifts you have bestowed on me
to be seen this week.
it has changed me again.
Two times in two different settings my gift was pointed out 
and as I was prayerfully asking your opinion, I guess ...
I'll take it that you approve of me moving in that direction.

As to the other things you have put on my heart, 
can I continue to pretend you haven't put them there yet?
You are timeless after all.
So if it is okay with you I will them in your hands.
You are so good at nudging me when the time is right.
I know you won't stop until I heed,
I need to be stronger still.

Stronger than this to face those three things - 
I know because when I look, when I peek around those corners
I see cost. I see moving. I see leaving.
And I place barriers - I am open to the premise, the abstract, the not joined up ness
Just not quite yet.
I am so grateful for your grace 
in forgiving me, 
forgetting my sins, 
your mercy as I still stuff up

your lamp guiding my feet along the path, for your patience as everything dovetails.
Most of all thank you for the love from you that envelops me all day and all night.
LORD, thank you for loving me