aversion therapy

There is peace in this place, it is special. It is preparing me one way or the other, to accept not only the will of God but the acceptability of me by the church.
There is a flatness to the sea, a slight movement on the surface but I know sitting ere watching it that life is teeming below from one cell creatures to the complex mechanism of fish. Above the surface there are birds, a heron lives close by, defending territory and feeding well. Seagulls hover and dive, the sea stretching out seemingly or ever.
Unpalatable thoughts of ‘what if they…’ I quell them, not interested in turning that particular corner.
I sit calmly but conversations of the last few weeks surface. Mission possibilities elsewhere in Ireland and short term opportunities in the UK that I have turned down for this week. I am thinking of B, of when he was here and was unacceptable and all he went through after for years before finding his place. I am thinking of the prayer warriors back home who have this situation close to their heart. I am thinking of the ones who do not want this to happen, who do not want me to go.
And I know I will be going, if not this way, another route will open up. He has not wrought the changes in me for stagnant pond life, there is work to be done in the streams and rivers. It is odd to be in this place of stillness where the only sound is three people tapping on devices, self-contained in one way and yet together in another.
Everyone else has brought or caught a cold and I remain as ever phlegm free. Nice memories are beginning to float in, to quell and flood the wobble. Thank you, Lord, thank you S and V. Aversion prayer therapy in reverse. Our God is a mighty powerful God who loves me enough to fill my head with laughter and when needed hymn 64.
Dores Day is singing in my head and my pigtails are gone. What will be, will be…