enemies at the door

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

How long, Lord? Will you forget me for ever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

Psalm 31

Do you have enemies? Is there an army about to invade your territory? Are you stuck in the middle of an adversary’s land, unable to break free to your home? These images are from a different world, a world of swords and fighting, combatants to the death, aren’t they?

There are times in everyone’s life when the world seems against them when in speaking they are shot down, their actions are misinterpreted. There are situations that are difficult, at some points they seem impossible, unsurmountable problems line up like a never-ending hurdle race.

I have a friend who lives like this, once she overcomes one hurdle there is another in the way, she cannot get out of the hurdle race and with each hurdle another piece of baggage is added. This woman is so burdened, and every day becomes more so.

The startling thing is she is comfortable in this place, she likes having enemies, she enjoys the battle, in passive resistance she is queen. A victim that encourages the tag victim, I meet her every now and then, she always has a tale to tell, of how she has been wronged, of how she was right.

She is safe in her insecurities, she is at home with a warzone in her neighbourhood. Have you ever felt comfortable in this place, unable to get out of it because it is familiar, it is normal, it is your normal? From the age of eleven, I embarked on a journey that would change history, for me. I am not a king or queen or celebrity, I was not trying to change anyone else’s history, only mine. I was reckless in my pursuit of this enemy. I was also, as it happens, not very good at it, so I spent a lifetime pursuing something that I was useless at.

In hindsight, of course, I am glad I was a failure, but at the time, it just dragged me down a little bit further. When my world collided with my friend’s fifteen or so years ago we embraced each other’s issues, we showed each other where we were going wrong and how to change it. We were fixers, we could fix other people but we couldn’t fix ourselves.

My friend has me on her enemy list now, I don’t blame her, she sees that I have become someone new and it scares her, she can’t relate to me anymore because I am different, all my hurdles are mere one-foot fences to step over. Yes they still exist but I am not racing alone anymore, I have a running partner, someone who offered his life for mine, someone who has given me boundless love.

I no longer race in the pursuit of death, and that for me is ironic, I am assured of eternal life and yet I can wait patiently now to receive it. I watch my friend, I want to help, but I know that like me, she has to make that leap herself, I can be there for her, I can listen to her tales of woe, I can watch as like a magnet around iron, she brings, she encourages more burdens to her. I pray for her, and I hope that one day she asks the Lord into her life, so she can rejoice and be glad.

Dear Lord
Thank you for answered prayers, though I came to you kicking and screaming for many years, when I came broken and bare to the core, you held me. Lord as stuff happens in my life I know you are there shouldering the brunt. helping me through each situation. Lord I pray for this friend and for all the people in my life who don't know you, who shun you, who ignore you, I pray that they too will turn and see the Light, see the Truth, see You and open the door and let you in. Thank you, Lord, for this new creation that I am, that you created, all glory to you, Lord, all praise to you. Thank you for the amazing grace and mercy you continue to bestow on me as I mess up, thank you for the love, the never-ending, never-changing love that surrounds me and is in me. Thank You, Lord, for pitching your tent in my heart.