Really? Really!

Just as I am, really?
Like you have no idea
No concept, no notion
Of where I have been
And what I have done

Just as I am, really?
Like I don’t know the words
Or when to stand and sit
Or when to pray
And what is prayer anyway?

Just as I am, really?
Like you people are all nice
And you have the right clothes
And the right shoes and notes
For the collection and
What is that for any way?

Just as I am, really?
I’m not clean,
Not whiter than snow
Not even off white or cream
My history is disorder
My present is chaos
Who knows what the future will bring

Just as I am, really?
So just speak, just start
The conversation with You
And what do I say, s’pose
Sorry for like everything
Is a beginning of sorts innit
But what if I have no words
What if the words don’t come
How will we talk
How will you know

No one inside knew
What it took to walk in
No one knew what was
Going on inside
My head, my tum, my heart
But You did and You helped me
I remember it so well
You calmed me and took my hand
You whispered into my ear and
I spoke, not out my mouth
But somehow miraculously from
My heart to Yours
And the clothes didn’t matter
No not even the “prayer”
The words tumbled out
I sat in by the window
And stared at the Cross
Just as I am, really!