it is just a word

it isn’t hibernate, ignore, hyper-unfocus

it is just a word.

it is where I am at.

I will restart – but just for now

I am staring at the shafts of light across my keyboard

picking up in the light the dust and debris of an ordinary life

I am pausing, not to get distracted by the quiet of the day

but just to admit to myself that I grieve.

ADHD diagnosis has allowed me to see I grieve deeply and longly (not a word)

I grieve with feelings that hit faster, feel much stronger, and take longer to calm down. What neurotypicals see – is me losing the plot, floods of tears for some (in their eyes) random person around the world.

this is just

a pause

a break

a wee interruption

a slight longing for a different kind of week

a normal week

a masking week

Today – I unmask

I pause

I cry

I hold up the day to the Lord

and let go ….